Posts Tagged ‘partner’
Understanding Your Troubled Relationship-Can Save It
You are in a relationship and you are finding things quite confusing. You could be feeling like the relationship has run its course, or that you’re not being honest with your self. You are merely pretending to be happy, or maybe you are afraid over what the next step will be. These signs of a troubled relationship can plague the person and put strain on a possibly damaged relationship. One of the more common feelings is guilt over lying and hiding ones true feelings over the relationship and its status. There was a great deal of love in the relationship, but now there are a lot ofblended feelings and factors that are contributing to theblended feelings that one is feeling.
When you’ve begun to consideryour troubled relationship, it is important to brainstorm what sort of things that you want and what you don’t want in your relationship. The latter can include not wanting to be cheated on, abused, and ignored and so on. When it comes to items that you want to have happen, these can include wanting to grow and develop emotionally. One can want for excitement and romance in the relationship. Sometimes one wants intellectual and spiritual stimulation, including discussions and attending outside meetings and events.
Once you have a list of your wants and desires, you need to go through them and identify those which you truly want and don’t want. You need to figure out what sort of situation you are in and whether or not it will continue on its track. Observe your partner and try and figure out if they are capable of growth and doing their part to help turn your troubled relationship around. They need to be able to contribute to the repair of the relationship and move it forward.
If things are truly bad, then you need to step back and see things with a clear head. This may simply involve separating temporarily, so that you and your partner can take the time alone to evaluate the situation without distraction. Without having to live together and deal with all of the stresses of being together, both of you’ll have a clearer head which will provide the basis for a true evaluation of the situation.
What you may find is that the relationship is such that you two cannot be together and that you need to end the relationship. Some relationships are not meant to be, and that should not discourage you. There will be someone for you. If you do find that you and your significant other are capable of making things work in your troubled relationship, then make sure that you and your partner are open and communicative. Without communication, it will be more difficult.
A troubled relationship does not necessarily mean that the end is near. What it does mean is that you and your partner need to take the steps to work things out and move the relationship forward, whether that is towards its end or continuation.
Surviving A Breakup-Difficult But Doable
A breakup is a difficult thing to deal with, and it is hard on you and your ex. There are a great number of hurt emotions and feelings, and the act of surviving a breakup will involve a great deal of personal strength. This task may seem daunting, especially with a massive void in your chest. You cannot easily fill that void with anything, it is that painful and difficult to handle. What you should consider, however, is that you’re not the first couple to break up and you won’t be the last. You should take solace in that you and your partner will survive and will be moving forward.
When you’re faced with the task of trying to surviving a breakup, there are a number of tips which will lead you towards surviving the breakup. The first step is to not bottle up the pain. One cannot go through life without pain. Breaking up with a loved one is emotionally the same as the death of one. You should know that you’ll be hurt and that it is okay to break down aTiny and cry as needed. You should write down stuff, you should scream, you should do whatever is needed to let all of the pain out and move on.
Once you have reached a clear and calm state, you are now ready to evaluate things and try and find out where you and your partner are in the relationship. Knowing where you’re will allow you and yours to make the right decision. More times than not, you will find that the relationship is truly over. This is something that you and your ex partner needs to come to terms with. Once you are at terms with things, you take the next step.
When you’ve come to the decision not to let the relationship continue, you and your ex needs to remove the overlaps in your lives. This includes property that you two have exchanged and are left at the other’s home. This sort of negotiation and separation is to ensure that nothing is left as an emotional landmine later on in your lives. Once the two of you have completely separated, then what you should do is to perform a finalizing ritual. This is a symbolic event which will involve letting an effigy of your ex go, via destroying it or some other task. You could burn one of their letters, their photo, throw away their leftovers, and delete their files off yourpersonal and so on. This symbolic gesture is for your benefit.
At this point, you should use whatever support that’s available to you. This can be friends, family, and other loved ones that can provide an emotional support net for you. Even though you have done what you can to soften the blow of the break up, you will still face turbulence. As a result you will need all of the help you can get as you’re surviving a breakup.
Scorpio Relationship Watch That Stinger
If youre in a Scorpio relationship, you may be a very brave soul! Scorpios are wonderful companions, and are fiercely loyal. But when things go wrong, the other person in a Scorpio relationship can end up feeling a bit stung.
Scorpios are take charge kind of people, who like being in charge and controlling the relationship. That doesnt mean you should give in on everything. But it helps if you understand their nature is to automatically try to lead the way in nearly every situation.
When you feel the need to take charge, simply express yourself and youll win your Scorpios respect and admiration for standing up for yourself. Scorpios appreciate determination and moxie in a partner, because those are things Scorpios have no shortage of.
It may help to understand your partner by knowing that Scorpios relish a challenge. Playing aTiny hard to get at times might be just the thing. But dont play too hard to get, because if it seems youre truly not interested, your partner will lose interest, too.
Its one thing to win someone over, but to drag them clawing and kicking is another. A Scorpio cares about to convince other people that their opinion is right, but by diplomatic means rather than aggressive ones. So keep it interesting by asserting yourself and not giving in, but if you resist too many things too much, the Scorpio relationship might get aTiny too heated.
Scorpios can be wonderful and generous partners. And sometimes they have very slow tempers that can take a lot. But when this sun sign does finally get angry, watch out! Its not going to be pretty. Even if the Scorpio doesnt actually show his or her temper, theyre seething beneath the surface.
Unfortunately for many relationships, people born under this sign can hold a grudge forever. If you mess up, dont anticipate to be instantly forgiven. In fact, the thing you did wrong might be brought up in every argument for years to come. Some Scorpios are obviously betterat forgiveness than others. But if not, its hard to get them to forget something you did wrong.
Sometimes, Scorpios tend to think you can read their minds. Or more accurately, they think you should be able to read minds. If youve broken up and are back in your Scorpio relationship trying to make it work, you need to remember this tendency.
If your partner is in a huff, angry, short-tempered or otherwise acting poorly, it could be that you havent figured something out they want you to figure out. This can be a frustrating Scorpio tendency, because even if you ask whats wrong you might get only, How can you not know?
The key to making this work is to explain that you really need them to tell you. Why you didnt pick up on the problem doesnt matter, though you should be on the look out for problems, of course. But if theyre not willing to tell you what they need, itsvery difficult to make a Scorpio relationship work.
Is There A Secret To Relationships
If there were a magic secret to relationships, someone would have already bottled it and made millions of dollars. But there are severalways to make your relationship strong and give it the ideal chance of lasting a lifetime. Most of them are common sense and some are just reminders of when the relationship was new. None of them is really a secret.
Love. Its not enough to love your partner, but you have to show them that you love them often. You should never be in a relationship if you dont feel genuine love for someone, and feel comfortable expressing it.
Respect. If you dont respect the person youre with, theresTiny hope for the relationship. If you laugh at your partner, feel he or she’s often a joke, dumb or worthy of some kind of scorn, then whats the point?
Kindness. Treat your partner with kindness always. A secret to relationships is to be as courteous when youre alone and not feeling thrilled at that moment as you would with a stranger on the street.
Thoughtfulness. Put your partners needs and desires at the top of your list. Little gestures are often some of the most powerful.
Honesty. Lies can ruin a relationship quickly, even if theyre lies about nothing important. Dont do anything deceptive and youll never have to lie in the first place.
All of those are important to a relationship and may be called the secret to relationships. But you really need all of them for a good relationship, and theyre things everyone already knows. The hard part can be figuring out how to express some of them.
Honest is pretty simple to show. Simply be open and honest during conversations. Dont be afraid to let your partner see your true self, especially when you feel scared, sad, lonely or vulnerable.
Showing respect and showing kindness can go hand in hand. By treating your partner with respect, you show that you support them. Youll back them up in their ideas and actions because you respect and believe in them.
Even when you dont necessarily feel theyre doing the right thing, you can respect their decision and be kind in your words about it. Disagreeing pleasantly is a so-called secret to relationships.
Thoughtfulness and love can be expressed hand in hand, too. Telling your partner that you love him is one way to express love. But maybe he feels more loved when you reach out and rub his shoulders for a minute as you pass. Or you balance the checkbook so he doesnt have to do it.
People perceive love differently. If you can find what your partner perceives as the most loving thing and do that, youre expressing your love perfectly for that person. And youre being thoughtful, too. Youre thinking of that person and trying to make them happy.
If you combine these things and apply them, then youve found the secret to relationships that can make your partnership a happy one.
How can You Tell If You Are In A Toxic
How can You Tell If You Are In A Toxic Relationship
How can you tell if you are in a toxic relationship? Here are some clues:
Your partner puts you down (verbally) in front of others
While your partnerStates they love you, their actions dont back it up.
Your partner is controlling reading your mail or showing up at places you are just to check up on you.
Your partner tries to make you dependent on them.
You have changed things about yourself to please them.
Toxic people make you feel ill just being around them. So, why would anyone end up in a toxic relationship? Why would anyone want to be with someone who makes them feel emotionally or physically harmed?
A toxic relationship has a cycle. Theres a honeymoon period, followed by a blow up, followed by a reconciliation at which point the cycle begins anew.
When you first meet a new partner, you’re obviously in the honeymoon stage. It isn’t until theyve sucked you in further that you realize that you’re in a toxic relationship. At that point, it is difficult to get out.
One reason is that many people in toxic relationships grow up in toxic homes. As a result, they replicate the patterns of their childhood without even knowing theyre doing it. And, they may not know any better. Others believe they do not deserve happiness. Still others find that they enjoy taking care of people.
But the first step in getting out and staying out of toxic relationships is to realize that you do have choices. Often people who stay in these couples have low self esteem or suffer from depression.
Once you realize that you’ve choices, the next step is to startstanding up for yourself. In most toxic relationships, the toxic partner has taught you that it is all your fault. Once you purchase into this, it can be very difficult toeither walk away from the relationship or set new limits that can heal the relationship.
For some people, working in therapy groups can help them either get out of or redefine these horrible relationships.
The good news is that some people are able to break the cycles of toxic relationships. Some of them leave the relationship and form new, healthier bonds.
But others are actually ableto fixtheir relationship and stay in it.
The truth is that most relationships are able to be salvaged. Sometimes it takes aTiny space. Other times, it takes counseling. But if both partners make an attempt, it is possible to renew the bonds in a healthy way.
The first thing you need to decide is that the relationship must improve or youre willing to walk away. If you arent willing to walk away, youll never be able to heal that which divides you.
Once you have liberated yourself from the dependency that is at the core of a toxic relationship, you can startto assert what you need from the connection. Dont nag the other person. Simply state I need your support, I need your love, or I need your truthful opinion.
If you dont get what you need, the other person should know that youre prepared to walk.
A healthy relationship is a two way street. In a toxic relationship, the street is only going one way. You have the power to change that, but you must take the power into your own hands.
Get Your Partner To Agree To Relationship Counseling
Relationship counseling is often a last resort for couples on the brink of the divorce. But some couples try counseling early on when the first problems rear their heads. Counseling is certainly something that a couple shouldnt be afraid to try, even if the problems are relatively minor. Often, catching small problems early with counseling can prevent Biggerproblems down the road. Early counseling can even something prevent a future divorce.
Todays couples seem more eager to try to new things, which makes counseling a good option. Couples married years ago seem lessapt to go for counseling or try new approaches, perhaps because it wasnt something commonly done when they were younger. Very often marriages of 30 or 40 years now end in divorce, which is a shame because theyll never know if relationship counseling could have helped save the marriage.
If you feel like you need relationship counseling, be sure to as your partner to go to counseling with you in a non-judgmental way. If you ask him or her to go to counseling in such a way as it seems like you are accusing them of being the problem and needing counseling, youreprone toencounter resistance to the idea. Try to make it clear that you want the counseling for yourself if nothing else.
If you ask your partner to go to counseling because you’ve some issues you need to work on, theyre moreapt to view the idea favorably. Explain that you think you need some help to be able to contribute more to the relationship, and to learn how to be a betterpartner or spouse. Dont accuse the other person of need counseling. Even if you believe that they’re most of the problem, dont state so. Once youre in relationship counseling, they’ll learn tips and techniques for being betterwithin the relationship, just as you will.
Dont be afraid torecommendrelationship counseling, whether youve been in the relationship for 3 months, 3 years or two decades. Its never too late to try counseling to resolve problems. And its never too late to try to keep small problems from becoming massive ones. If the relationship is relatively new, you might think that youre admitting to problems and admitting that the relationship is rocky by suggesting counseling. But thats not true. But facing any obstacles now, youre making the relationship stronger in the long run.
If your partner believes that your suggestionof relationship counseling means that the relationship isnt perfect, and maybe even is doomed, calmly explain that that isnt true. Just because youre willing to admit that everything is perfect shows that youre willing to make necessary changes to keep the other person and yourself happy.
If your partner refuses, go on your own. While the counseling would work best if both of you go, you can go and work on things to improve yourself. If your partner sees you going to relationship counseling, theyre moreprone togive it a try.
Ending a Relationship Breaking Up is Hard To Do
Does your to-do list look something like this:
Walk dog
Water plants
Break up with significant other
Okay, while ending a relationship is hardly at the top of anybodys calendar, the fact is that when a relationship has gone sour, someone has to make the move to end it. The truth is that many relationships last long beyond the expire by date just because breaking up is hard to do.
Sometimes a break up happens in dramatic fashion with clothes being thrown out of a second story window.
Other times, the relationship just peters out until someone Saysits caput.
How do you go about ending a relationship so that neither celebration gets hurt?
You need to get clear on why you want to terminate the romance. The immediate reason that jumps into your mind may not be the real reason. Once you get clear, the next step in ending a relationship is to get honest. That means that in your discussion with your partner that you are true to yourself and to them.
Schedule a mutually convenient time for the breakup. In general, it issuperior to do it in person rather than over the phone, but if distance is an issue in the relationship, you should do it sooner than wait for a time you can get together.
Get into aSay of compassion when ending the relationship. If you want to stay friends after the break up, you need to conclude the romantic ties with love and compassion.
Dont put your partner on the defensive. Talk about the things youve learned and the memories you’ll cherish that have come from your love. Be present during the break up. Your partner may become very emotional during this time. You need to respond to their needs.
Dont take anything personally when ending a relationship. Your partner may state things they dont really mean. Let these words roll off of your back.
Your partner may need to meet with you more than once to conclude the relationship. Or, they may need space. Give your ex what they need to get through the transition time.
But dont let them make you feel guilty. Youre ready tostart a new phase in your life and it will not include a romantic relationship with your ex. It is ideal if you retain a positive relationship of some sort with them, but if you are ending the relationship for the right reasons, it is best for both of you.
Should you everThink about reconnecting? Does ending a relationship always mean the end, close the book?
That is something you have to decide. Virtually all relationships can be saved if certain conditions are met. If you have the time and are willing to make the effort, you can get through this period as an even stronger couple.
However, if you are determined to walk away, its ideal to end a relationship with a clean break and move on.
Do You Need Space In A Relationship
How much space in a relationship is necessary? The answer depends a lot on the type of relationship it is, and each person in it. Some people do betterwhen theyre together constantly, and others crave more of their own space in a relationship.
The hard part is finding a happy medium that both people are comfortable with. This is made more difficult when you each have very different ideas about togetherness and space. But as long as you can compromise on the level of space in a relationship that you both need, then you can work through this challenge.
Some people dont like to be alone. Theyre much happier spending all their time with coworkers, friends, family and their partner. When theyre alone and doing things on their own they feel aTiny lost and lonely.
Other people cherish their alone time. Without a Littlesolitude every day they feel burdened and have a hard time relaxing. They feel that they always have to be up or on for other people when theyre around them, and it can be exhausting.
Those are two extremes, of course. There are also a lot of people who fall somewhere in the middle. They love the time they spend with their partner, but they also want some me-time to balance it out and recharge.
If both of you fall into that happy medium, then defining your space in a relationship should be pretty easy. And if you each fall into the same extreme group, where you both need lots of space or you both dislike being alone, things are made easier, too.
The problems come when one has a very different idea than the other .If you love your solitude and your partner hates being alone, you really need to speak and set some boundaries. Each needs to comprehend the others point of view so you can come up with a compromise that makes you both feel your needs are met.
If you love being alone everyday for a while and your partner craves company 24/7, heres the problem. When you state you need space in a relationship and go off on your own, your partner will feel neglected as if you dont want to be around because of them.
And if you hate being alone and your partner really wants some me-time, then by hanging around constantly you canbegin to make your partner feel smothered. Your partner might also think that theres no trust there, and you wont give him or her private time because youre afraid of what he or she might do when youre not around.
You can see how both of these situations could swiftly cause problems in a relationship. But if you[ talk to each other honestly and openly about how you feel, then when you need time your partner will comprehend why.
And when he or she hangs around when you’d rather be alone, you recognize that he or she doesnt need the same kind of space in a relationship that you do.
Avoiding A Love Break Up
If youve ever had your love break up you know how painful it is. And if you thought back after the relationship ended, you probably saw all the signs that you didnt recognize before. If youll remember those signs and keep them in mind, they can help you prevent a break up in the future. And they can also help you get back together after a split.
One sure sign of impending love break up is the lack of physical contact. This doesnt just mean sex. If your partner suddenly stops having an interest in sex, thats a good sign that a break up is coming. But the normal flow and rhythm of a relationship has times when theres lots of sex and times when theres not much. This is natural.
A love break up is probably on the horizon though, if your partner stops holding your hand for no apparent reason. Or he or she stops putting an arm over your shoulder at the movies or in public when he or she always did it before. Any sudden changes like not touching you much outside the bedroom when your partner was always very affectionate before could signal problems.
If it goes beyond not touching to the person actually becoming uncomfortable at your touch, then you definitely need to have a conversation with your partner about whats going on. Dont just assume that because your partner flinched away from your touch that theres about to be a love break up, though. Many things can cause a person to not want to be touched at any given moment.
A person might have been thinking of something else and been surprised or startled by the touch. He or she might think that your touch signals that its time to have sex, if youre not very affectionate except when you want to be intimate. And maybe your partner isnt in the mood for sex now and chose to show you that by moving away from your touch. That doesnt mean youre headed for a love break up.
Your partner might simply not feel good. Every change in a persons behavior doesnt signal an impending love break up or even anything wrong with the relationship. You have to watch them closely for a while to determine if some behavior is an occasional thing, something brought on only during certain times, or if its a permanent part of the persons make up.
Catching your partner in lies, even what seem like small and harmless ones, could be a sign of problems, too. After all, if a lie is small and harmless, why tell it in the first place? Where theres one tiny lie,Bigger and more damaging lies can grow. Dont become convinced its a love break up right away though. People lie about many things that arent bad, like surprise parties and reunions. Your partner might be trying to keep a harmless and fun secret like that, instead of scheming about a love break up.
7 Ways to Build Trust in a Relationship
Do you know these 7 concrete ways to build trust in a relationship? Often, what really makes a relationship work are not the things we think of first. For instance, do you think you always need to spice things up? Wrong! Predictability is more important than variety in a relationship. The following seven methods are guaranteed to grow your connection by improving the level of trust in a relationship.
First, as I mentioned in the opening paragraph, you need to be predictable. This goes against the common notion that you need to stir things up to keep the romance alive. Sure, going to a new restaurant or giving a surprise gift can be nice, but most of all, we need things to be consistent and steady in order to make our relationships work. Consider that trust in a relationship is built on being reliable day in and day out.
Next, you need to make sure that your words always match the message. This means that your partner needs to hear the words which match your body language. If you say you are happy but you’re frowning, your partner doesnt hear your words, he or she sees your face and the tone in your voice. Your parter needs to be able to trustwhat you’re saying. When the words match the message, you build trust in a relationship.
Third, you need to have a fundamental belief in your partners competency. If you dont you wont have the trust in a relationship that you need. When lovingly communicated, the truth is never destructive. When you don’t believe that your partner is competent at some things (or indeed, anything), you violate the trust in a relationship.
Dont keep secrets. Secrets destroy the trust in a relationship. Be honest and open. Assume everything you know will eventually come out. Secrets require enormous energy on your part. That is energy that could be going into building the relationship.
Fifth, dont be afraid to let your partner know what your needs are. Don t make him or her guess what you need. Let them know. It is okay to be self-centered as long as you’re not selfish. Indeed, if you are reluctant to assert your needs, you may go overboard in the opposite direction and smother your partner.
Sixth, learn to state no. When your partner voices his or her needs, that is a good thing. But you dont need to state yes to everything. A partner cannot respect you if you never state no. Refusing to be subjugated to the other persons will actually builds trust in a relationship.
Finally, always pursue growth. When you plant a flower, youstart by digging in the dirt. Digging in the dirt of our relationships can sometimes cause pain. But, through that pain, we prepare the soil for future growth. Dont be afraid of turmoil, crisis, or questions. These become the fertilizer for growth and change. Embrace what is difficult.
When you decide to work on trust in a relationship, you are bound to encounter a Littlepain. But, as you work through this pain, you won’t only become stronger as an individual, you will also strengthen your coupledom.
