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Posts Tagged ‘healing relationships’

So many times people will find themselves in a relationship that used to be good, loving, and strong. But somehow, somewhere, things changed. Now they want to get that loving relationship back. The first thing is making sure there is an openness to healing relationships.

Most relationships that have broken down have done so over a period of time and usually because of hurts, many of which have been small. These hurts have accumulated over a period of time, though, and now they have taken on a life of their own. Over time we tend to shutourselves off from our partner because we do not want to be injured anymore. Once that happens you’ll need to make sure you can open up again and attempt to heal the relationship. Before you decide that you are goingto mendyour broken relationship you have to make sure that you’re willing to open yourself up to the possibility of more hurt.

And, it’s not just about you either. Is your partner willing to open up and work on the relationship? Many times one partner is more interested in salvaging the relationship than another. If that’s the case and your partner has made it clear, either by what they’ve said or their overall attitude, that they’ve no interest in working very hard tosave the relationship, you might as well call it quits. You can’t do it all yourself and you can’t force your partner to try.

If, on the other hand, you both concur that you will try to work on the relationship the first thing you will both need to do is look at yourselves. You need to look at yourself and your partner needs to look at themselves. You are trying to honestly figure out what part you have played in the breakdown of the relationship and whether or not you will be committed to making the changes necessary to fixit. Again, both of you have to admit their part in the break down of the relationship as well as be willing to try to change their behavior.

After all that the next thing you’ll both need to do is speak to each other. This doesn’t mean yelling, intimidating, or getting mad. It means and open, adult discussion about how you’re feeling. You each have to be able to honestlyTalk your mind and explain what you think has happened, how you think it can be fixed, what you are willing to do to help fix it, and how you are feeling overall.

This step is vitally important and potentially very dangerous. This is the part where someone could get injured feelings and that could lead to a large blowout. In order for this to work, it’s crucial that you both give the other person time to talk, and not get mad or defensive about what they have to say.

If you’re sure you and your partner really have an openness to healing relationships, and you are wiling to work on the steps I’ve listed here than the two of you’ll have a real shot at getting back to a place in your relationship where you can be happy to be together, and happy to be ‘back to normal’.

The Internet is filled with relationships sites that offer advice, tips and articles about good and bad relationships. Some are designed for those who are new in a relationship while others are for those who have had a break up and are now making up and trying to work it out. Can these relationships sites really help you heal your relationship?

If you take the information in them and apply it, it can certainly help. There are certain types of advice that are betterthan others, obviously. And some relationships sites are designed to get you to purchase something, with articles that really dont even make much sense.

Avoid those sites that are too cutesy to be useful, with quizzes and articles about things like how to trick your partner, how to cheat and not get caught, and things like that. Those arent for people in serious relationships, or theyre just for humor.

But sites that offer good advice can be very helpful. Very often there will be message boards and forums where other people reading the same information can interact. Testimonials about how the site helped might be available.

Be sure to take those testimonials with a grain of salt, however. Some relationships sites make them up, or have other people make them up, just to look betteror sell you something.

The sites that have been put up by actual relationship experts like those who have written extensively on the subject are usually best. If they counsel people in healing relationships and have some popular books, theyre at least trying to offer useful information.

But there are sites that arent put out by experts that can contain gold mines, too. Some might have question and answer pages or even advice columns. It can often be helpful to read about other peoples situations. This lets you see what other people did while seeing if the advice might apply to your situation, too.

Relationships sites that guarantee they can save your relationships or marriage might not be great ones. If youve broken up and are now back together, you know how hard it is. And for any site or person to state that your relationship can definitely be saved is deceptive.

Without knowing your particular situation, no one should ever make that promise. And in fact, even with knowing your situation in detail, theres no guarantee that anything can makecompletely sure that everything will work out all right.

The most any websites or even experts can do is give you the tools to try. You can get advice that’ll give you the best possible chance of making the relationship work this time. Then its up to you to use the information to make it happen.

Sites that have a lot of absolute statements, like how something will make him do a certain thing or think a certain way, arent being realistic. Look for relationships sites that admit not everything will work just as planned, as the advice in them will be much more practical.