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Archive for October, 2009

Are you thinking of divorce? Save marriage by seeing a marriage counselor. There are many therapists who state they do marriage counseling, but how do you know which ones are really good? This article will give you a checklist of things to look for in a family therapist.

First of all, you want to see what their credentials are. There are three basic classes of counselors.

The first is the Ph.D. or Psy.D. level counselor. These people went to graduate school for a minimum of five years and wrote a dissertation. In addition, they performed a minimum of 3000 hours of therapy under the supervision of an experienced psychologist. In order to legally call yourself a clinical psychologist the person must have a doctoral level degree. Ph.D.s are often more academic in nature and tend to do scholarly and forensic work along with therapy.

Then there’s the M.S.W. This means Master of Social Work. Social Workers are trained to apply social theory to specific situations. They can work in institutions or with individuals.

Finally, there is the M.S. or M.A. in Counseling. Often called a Marriage and Family Therapist, these people can only work with individuals or small groups in counseling situations. They tend to have 2 year degrees and may not have written a thesis. They have 1500 hours of therapy under supervision.

If you’re using your insurance to cover your marriage counseling, your insurance company will probably direct you to an MSW or a Marriage and Family Therapist because they’re less expensive.

Second, you’ve to determine what the price will be. Clinical psychologists tend to be the mostCostlywhile Marriage and Family Therapists are the least expensive. Remember you’re tryingTo ceasedivorce. Save marriage by finding the ideal fit not the most (or least) Expensiveprofessional.

Look at the per session cost as well as the overall cost for the expected length of treatment.

Often, therapists working in groups or non profit institutions will have a sliding scale fee based on a couples income. If you qualify, this might make counseling affordable when it otherwise might not be.

Third, you need to look at the policies the therapist has. Some of these policies include:

What happens if you miss or cancel a session?
Can you take a pre-planned vacation without having to pay for the session?
Will the therapist accept calls outside of the normal session? Do they accept calls at home or just at the office?
Is there an substitute person you can call in an emergency?

A family counselor should help you put your family back together so that you dont have split up. Saving your marriage should be their ultimate goal. If you dont feel that you are in synch with your counselor, move on and find someone who can keep you from divorce and save marriage.

Things I ve Learned from Women Who ve Dumped Me

Okay, Ill admit, Ive been dumped. More than once. More than Id like to admit, actually. And, while it hurt quite a bit each time, I have to state that I have grown from the experiences. So, here are some things Ive learned from women who ve dumped me.

Things Ive Learned from Women Who ve Dumped Me #1: It takes two.

Often with the pain and heartbreak of a break up, it is easy to blame the other person for your misery. But the truth is that if the relationship was no longer working, you were part of the problem. Evaluate what went on so that you can apply the lessons to your next relationship.

Things Ive Learned from Women Who ve Dumped Me #2: Give women their personal space.

Women like to cuddle and snuggle. They may seem to always be around. But they need their personal space too. Men have a tendency to be possessive. We want to keep tabs on where theyre going and what theyre doing there. If any woman has ever cheated on you, this instinct becomes stronger. But, trust is a key component in a relationship. When you invade her personal space, you send the message that you dont trust your girlfriend. This can easily lead to the end of the relationship.

Things Ive Learned from Women Who ve Dumped Me #3: You get stronger over time.

When you wake up in the morning and the hurts so real, you may believe that you’ll never get over the break up. But the truth is that not only does time heal all pain, but you’ll emerge from the break up a stronger person. As philosopher Frederick Nietzsche said, that which doesnt kill me only makes me stronger.

Things Ive Learned from Women Who ve Dumped Me #4: Its okay if it wasnt meant to be.

Coming to accept that a relationship wasnt meant to be is a key factor in healing. If you had started projecting your relationship into the future considering marriage, thinking about kids and then the woman you were with broke everything off, Considerit a blessing. It issuperior to end a relationship that wasnt meant to be earlier rather than later.

Things Ive Learned from Women Who ve Dumped Me #5: Good things dont happen unless you make them happen.

Finally, the last lesson I want to share with you is that you cant control what happened, but you can control to how you react to what happened. If you want good things to happen in the future, you have to make them happen.

That means getting back on the horse. Go out, meet new women. Have some fun. Eventually, you’ll find another relationship. And, if you have followed the advice in this article about things Ive learned from women who ve dumped me, the relationship will be even betterand stronger than the last one.

There are different degrees to a wife led relationship. Many men are content and even thrilled to let the wife take complete control of the relationship. This goes beyond letting her make the decisions, into dominant and submissive behavior. Some men simply allow the wife to make the major decisions and set the tone, without being truly submissive.

To what degree your marriage becomes a wife led relationship is based mostly on both your preferences. Maybe you feelsuperior when she makes the decisions and handles the checkbook. Remember that though youre allowing her to have that control, it can be a burden too. Especially if shes not comfortable with those tasks.

Rather than feeling like shes lucky to have control, she might feel that youre pushing off unpleasant decisions and jobs onto her. Be sure to balance it by taking over things that she doesnt like to do. This type of marriage is wife led in the sense that she has the major amount of control.

But a popular fantasy for many men is to have a truly wife led relationship. They become quite submissive to the wife in everything. They do the chores and anything she tells them. And serving their wives in this way pleases them a great deal.

The submissiveness even carries over their sex lives. In fact, thats the large appeal for many men in having this type of relationship. They secretly want to be dominated sexually, and the rest just adds to that appeal.

In a true wife led relationship, the man knows that she has authority over him. He does the chores and tries to expect her every need. She doesnt thank him, but may tell him hes doing a good job.

When it comes to sex, the man is only granted as much pleasure as the woman feels like letting him have. And not allowing him to have an orgasm, or delaying it, is something these men find enjoyable.

A relationship of this type isnt for everyone, but many men feel happiest when their wives have control. And while it might sound like the woman has it made in a wife led relationship, its not always simple for her either.

If a woman has been raised believing in the typical roles of husband and wife, suddenly being asked to take charge of everything can be daunting. Granted, the housework and other chores will probably be done by the man. But the handling of the large decisions, finances and other things might be a new experience.

Some women may not enjoy it, at least not all the time. But if the man really wants that, a compromise could work where certain days or periods of time are spent with the wife taking charge.

If you would like this kind of relationship but dont know how to ask your wife, you may want to write your feelings down. Or you couldbegin behaving as if youre in a wife-led relationship and then bring it up by asking her if she likes your behavior.

If you’ve been dumped and you are looking for ways to get ex back then I have to state that kicking and screaming, begging and pleading isn’t the ideal of ways to get ex back. Instead you need to make sure you closely follow what I’m about to lay out for you.

Always one of the ways to get ex back involves appearing to be in control of yourself and not acting like a desperate and needy out of control victim. So, if you have been accused of being needy, then now is your chance toshow them that you are far from that.

It might be too late, but if it isn’t and your ex is simply speaking about leaving, then as soon as they mention that they’re leaving, make sure you agree the breakup. Sounds like the opposite to what you want, but if you let them go and you do it calmly and without drama, then your path to getting them back is going to be a lot smoother.
Once they are gone, you’re going to have to do what the experts call ‘No Contact!’ That means just what it says. The best ways to get ex back is always to make sure you’re not bombarding them with text messages and calls. If your ex has heard nothing from you since they walked out, then it doesn’t make them forget you, it makes them miss and wonder what you are up to.

Getting on with your life after they have gone is a crucial method to use when you are trying to figure ways to get ex back. Not only is this a good way to keep yourself busy, but it is also a great way to put things into perspective. Nothing will help you with your judgment and confidence more than being in a social situation and having some fun with others, so get on with your life.

After you’ve given yourself some time to think and adjust, guess what, your ex has had the same amount of time to calm down and reassess their decision too. You should have been out of contact with your ex for at least a month before you decide the time is right to make contact with them.

Phone them up and have a very short and casual conversation with them. Ask for a meeting somewhere neutral, but don’t make it sound like a huge heavy deal. Remember you are trying to find ways to get ex back, so no emotional manipulation.

At the meeting explain you have had time to think and you would like to apologize for any mistakes you have made. Tell your ex your feelings for them have not changed and you would like another chance. Always give your ex space to state what they think and how they feel, and listen carefully and sincerely to what they have to say.

Once you’ve said your peace, tell your ex that you are going to give them time to think things through and then leave.

If youre the relationships wife, you know youre not in an easy position. You might feel put upon, as if everything from the home to some of the income is your responsibility. For years men worked while the wife took care of hearth and home. Todays relationships wife is supposed to work and do it all with a smile on her face!

But you cant do it all, and you cant have it all. At least you cant without personal sacrifice and exhaustion. Add saving your relationship and preserving your marriage into the mix, and its a sure recipe for fatigue and depression.

When things have gone wrong in your relationship, you should remember that youre not solely responsible for fixing them. He plays a part, too, and you should let him do equal duty or at least some of it. Everything that happens, good or bad, isn’t only because of the relationships wife.

And if youre the husband and the idea of keeping her happy seems daunting, you must remember that youre not solely responsible for her happiness either. You can contribute to it, and its pretty easy for you to ruin it, but whether or not shes a happy person in general is mainly up to her.

Its important for the relationships wife to comprehend that men and women have different needs. This is important for the husband to realize, too. When youre trying to heal your marriage, it might be a good idea for both of you to read books that speak about the differences between men and women.

John Grays books about Mars and Venus are good for pointing out the very different ways men and women feel nurtured in a relationship. They also point out how differently men view emotional things than women, and how each sometimes has an approach thats directly opposite of what the other person may want.

Even if you feel like you share things equally and have a very balanced relationship, you might discover that its not. The relationships wife will tend to fall into certain roles, just as the husband does. Reading books about these differences can be an eye opening experience.

Even if your spouse isnt interested in reading such books, you should give them a try. Its not simple to heal a relationship when only one person seems to do all the work. But if you make an effort, very often it makes such a difference that the other person cant help but change either.

It can be an unconscious thing, in fact. By learning the best way to approach your spouse about certain issues, or understanding the way he or she naturally deals with things, it makes you a more thoughtful and respectful partner.

That alone is enough to affect the other persons behavior and make things better. You shouldnt have to do everything, but this is one thing you must take upon yourself. Whether youre the relationships wife or the husband, youre capable of helping heal the relationship.

The best spouse relationships are based on love and respect. That goes without saying, doesnt it? Everyone probably realizes that love and respect are crucial to having a good marriage. But beyond love and respect there are a few things that can help spouse relationships.

Think back to when you were first married. If youre newly married, think back to when you first met and were dating. How did you treat your partner? You probably treated your partner with respect, but also with kindness and thoughtfulness.

Unfortunately, its common that the longer we know someone, the less kind we tend to be toward them. One would think that the opposite holds true. But webegin to take the other person for granted and think theyll always be there, no matter what.

Think of the last time you went to the bank or grocery store and spoke to the cashier. Maybe you exchanged words with a stranger. How was the tone of your voice and your words? You probably sounded like the sweetest person on the planet. That person might have thought how polite when you walked away.

Now think to the words and the tone of the voice you use with your spouse sometimes. When you get angry or youre unhappy about something, consider how you sound. Would you everTalk that way to a stranger? If youre thinking probably not then youve started taking advantage of your spouse.

People do it with close friends, parents and children, too. If we could record peoples conversations and play them back at a different time, people might be ashamed of how they sounded. And they probably wouldntTalk that way to someone they didnt know well for fear of hurting their feelings!

Good spouse relationships are kind ones. Everyone gets angry now and then. And yes, everyone Saysthings he or she regrets in an angry and even hateful tone of voice. But you can keep these instances to a minimum by just thinking about whether youd speak to your postman or your boss that way.

Thoughtfulness is also an important factor in good spouse relationships. People love their spouses, but it seems the longer theyre together, they less they sometimes show it. Your spouse is one person you should make a point of being thoughtful toward, too.

In the beginning when youre first dating someone or first married, you might send (or receive) flowers, cards and Littlesurprises. Generally after people are married for a while, these sorts of things slow down or stop. Remembering to be thoughtful and surprise your spouse can help makes yours one of thesuperior spouse relationships.

Try to keep in mind that marriage isnt written in stone. There really are other opportunities out there for your spouse. Bring back some of the things you did and said when you were trying to win this person. Be kind and thoughtful as much as you can. Those combined with love and respect will make yours one of the enduring spouse relationships.

When youve broken up with someone you care about you have a hard time thinking of anything but how to get girl back. If you truly want this to happen, youll probably have to make some changes. Whatever happened to cause the break up should be looked at. Was it something you did, or didnt do? Is it something that you can still fix, or is it too late?

If it was something you did or didnt do and you can fix it now, then fix it. Undo something, or do something you should have done already. Apologize and make amends. This alone might not get girl back, but its the first step on the path to getting her back. If whatever happened cant be fixed, then at the very least make sure she knows that youre sorry and that you’d change what happened if you could.

Now that youve moved past what caused the break up, the next step to get girl back is to make her want you back. That sounds like common sense, but so many people dont do it. If the relationship ended with her angry, then you’ve to show her the you that makes her happy again. Youre going to have to be especially patient and forgiving. Be as sweet as you can possibly be when you talk to her or see her.

Even if youre angry at the time or you feel far from happy, at least show her the most pleasant side of yourself you can. Make her remember your good qualities and what she liked about you when you were happy. If she feels you’ve truly apologized for what caused the break up and she sees your sweet side again, you might be able to get girl back.

Its important to pay close attention when you see or speak to her. Listen carefully and dont interrupt. Let her express herself without jumping in and telling her how she ought to feel or what she ought to do. You wont get girl back by trying to boss her around!

You also need to pay close attention to see if your efforts are having an effect. Sometimes you can see that shes softening to you. She speaks nicer when she sees you, and you have been seeing her more often. Maybe she even seeks you out more often than she did before. Or she seeks you out now after ignoring you for a long time. Your efforts to get girl back are working!

Because shes so impressed with how sweet you are, she wants to be around you more. And that only reminds her why she wanted to be with you in the first place. Pay careful attention also if you suddenly stop seeing her as much as before, or she becomes distant or angry speaking when you see her. Thats a good sign that youre pushing and shes uncomfortable. Take a break and youll have a betterchance to get girl back.

Are you in the process of surviving a break up? It may seem like there is no hope. But, really there is.

First of all, you’ve to decide whether the relationship is really over or whether its just a temporary situation. Some people find that their coupledom becomes even stronger after a hiatus.

But other times, you know that it is over and you need to go about mourning the relationship. Your ex was probably the person who you were closest to in the whole world. Now, you need to find people and activities to replace him or her.

Sometimes you can turn to friends and family members to discuss the situation. If they are sympathetic and grant you to do the speaking that you need to do, this is an optimal situation.

Unfortunately, most people are consumed with their own situations. They haveTiny patience for dealing with other peoples problems and concerns. While they may listen for the first couple of days, their basic tenet will be get over it.

If this is the case, you may want to considergoing to a counselor. A therapist will help you work through the issues that caused your relationship to dissolve. Many people have found that a counselor is the ideal person to help you in surviving a break up.

At some point, you have tobegin to move on. One of the best ways to do this is to exchange all of the personal items you have with your ex. Most of the time, this means clothes, but there are other items which you keep at each others homes.

If there are things like toothbrushes that dont merit an exchange, throw them away. If you’ve personal gifts that you dont want to give back, box them up and put them away for the time being. You dont want to have anything that reminds you of your ex lying around the house for the time being.

Then, startfocusing on how you can improve yourself. Because you were part of a couple for so long, you referenced yourself as we. Now, it is all about me. And, thats not a bad place to be in.

You can now do the things you want. She didnt like gambling? You can now go to the guys poker night. He didnt like chick flicks? Rent all the movies you missed.

And, startdoing a self improvement campaign. Go work out. Take some classes. Join a hiking group.

Start to meet new people, particularly people who can be friends not lovers. These people will provide a valuable network for you now and in the future.

Finally, at some point, you have to put yourself back on the market again. Go to singles events or check outon the webdating sites. When you find someone new who you really like, you know you will be finally over your ex.

And thats how to go about surviving a break up.

A breakup is a difficult thing to deal with, and it is hard on you and your ex. There are a great number of hurt emotions and feelings, and the act of surviving a breakup will involve a great deal of personal strength. This task may seem daunting, especially with a massive void in your chest. You cannot easily fill that void with anything, it is that painful and difficult to handle. What you should consider, however, is that you’re not the first couple to break up and you won’t be the last. You should take solace in that you and your partner will survive and will be moving forward.

When you’re faced with the task of trying to surviving a breakup, there are a number of tips which will lead you towards surviving the breakup. The first step is to not bottle up the pain. One cannot go through life without pain. Breaking up with a loved one is emotionally the same as the death of one. You should know that you’ll be hurt and that it is okay to break down aTiny and cry as needed. You should write down stuff, you should scream, you should do whatever is needed to let all of the pain out and move on.

Once you have reached a clear and calm state, you are now ready to evaluate things and try and find out where you and your partner are in the relationship. Knowing where you’re will allow you and yours to make the right decision. More times than not, you will find that the relationship is truly over. This is something that you and your ex partner needs to come to terms with. Once you are at terms with things, you take the next step.

When you’ve come to the decision not to let the relationship continue, you and your ex needs to remove the overlaps in your lives. This includes property that you two have exchanged and are left at the other’s home. This sort of negotiation and separation is to ensure that nothing is left as an emotional landmine later on in your lives. Once the two of you have completely separated, then what you should do is to perform a finalizing ritual. This is a symbolic event which will involve letting an effigy of your ex go, via destroying it or some other task. You could burn one of their letters, their photo, throw away their leftovers, and delete their files off yourpersonal and so on. This symbolic gesture is for your benefit.

At this point, you should use whatever support that’s available to you. This can be friends, family, and other loved ones that can provide an emotional support net for you. Even though you have done what you can to soften the blow of the break up, you will still face turbulence. As a result you will need all of the help you can get as you’re surviving a breakup.

If you want To stopdivorce, you’ve to convince the person what wants to divorce you to give the relationship another try. This isnt always possible, but itstotallynecessary if you’ve a chance of stopping a divorce. A divorce can be stopped at virtually any stagebefore its filed or just before it needs the final paperwork. The earlier you stop a divorce, the more likely it is that the divorce wont be restarted, at least not anytime soon.

SoTo halt a divorce, you must convince the person to give the relationship another chance. If you’ve been begging the other person to give you another try or pleading for them to get back together with you, stop now. This might seem counterproductive, as if now that the person has less resistance it will make it easier for them to divorce you. But your pleading probably wasnt doing anything but convincing them that divorce is a good idea anyway. Who wants to be around someone who is behaving that way?

If you can startacting more mature and behave in a more pleasant manner, it might surprise the other person and help stop divorce. Explain that you really dont want the divorce and you want another chance in a calm way. The person already knows this so you screaming or carrying on wont help your chances. Just make it clear that youre injured and very sad, and you really want another chance. You might be surprised how the other person reacts when you change your behavior.

You can also show a mature side of yourself that the other person might not have seen over the last several weeks andrecommendmarital or couples counselingTo ceasedivorce. Counseling has worked for million of couples and your relationship could benefit from it, too. If you can get the other person to agree to couples counseling, then you have precious time before they file for or attempt to finalize a divorce to convince them to give you and the relationship another chance.

During counseling youll have thechance to show the person why they fell in love with you. You can remind them why youre together in the first place. And if you can show honest effort in wanting to deal with the problems that come up during the counselingand many probably willthat might be enough to convince the other person not only To stopdivorce temporarily, but permanently.

When you succeed and stop divorce, you must remember that the person was about to divorce you and it would be easy enough for them to change his or her mind and file for divorce later. Having already thought about divorce and maybe even having gone far enough as to file for divorce at one time makes the decision to file again easier. So be aware of the Stateof your relationship, and perhaps continue counseling. Its easierTo ceasedivorce temporarily than to have a good relationship for the long term.